And some signs are easier to spot than others. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. So my entire childhood, I never had a vaccination, never had any medicine. Ellen's show experienced a hiatus from mid-December 2020 to mid-January 2021. And it had been the whole time. And thats when you grow and thats what we all want. Thats what they should be doing. We know that now. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Its very delicate. Top-rated television show host and New Orleans native Ellen DeGeneres was the keynote speaker at Tulane University's 2009 Commencement. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Its amazing, we were poor cause we never had medicine. I just think when something istalked about and when you seerepresentatives of whatever the subjectis it demystifies it. You know what I mean? Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) "The truth is, I always trust my . No, but Ive dined in other places before. It was really, really special. Oh boy. Now Id like to talk to you aboutgay. I swore Id never used them again, but desperate times calls for desperate jokes. I didnt know it was her cause she wasin a different car. [crowd laughs] [claps] Youll notice the difference in as littleas 48 hours. Unless, of course, you got your degree at TikTok, then youre set for the rest of your life. Im there three days, Ill bring six books and Yeah. But Im not [crowd laughs] Oh, look how happy you are. Mazelel tov, graduates. Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything? Joshua Chenault @joshuachenault1. Theres no reason for me to have a horn. Yeah, thats very clever and very fresh, and.. Well, thats wonderful hearing thatfrom you. You know I mean, the ladder, we take that for granted. [crowd laughs] I gotta get the fuck out of here. You goaround them and show them how they shouldbe driving and then you hit a red light. I mean [crowd laughs] Its about winning. She established The Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain gorillas. Create a better, more engaging experience for every student. These are good, I like these. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the longest distance between two points is the ladies room at a WNBA game. Not bad . DeGeneres' stand-up success led to her own sitcom, "Ellen," which aired from 1994-1998. The bar is set pretty low at this moment. Yeah. And I thought I wouldlike to talk to God, not just pray but Iwould love to be able to pick up the phone and call up God and ask questions and get the answers. tWitch: (06:46) If youre graduating high school, congratulations. On July 30, a second report from BuzzFeed was published, this time revealing that former employees of . Speech-to-Text API for pre-recorded audio, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition engine. I said: Well, they werent watchingme at night. Ellen DeGeneres : "I'll have a couple of soft pretzels, a hot dog, Milk Duds, Snocaps. Where do you get your protein? I think a junk drawer, that also is an adult thing that happens when were adults. Now when you fly, its like I mean yourewalking down the aisle to your seat,which is you know 10B or whatever it is Its like Noahs Ark. Ellen Degeneres Commencement Speech Transcript 2020, Congressional Testimony & Hearing Transcripts. OK. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. And also, I have a fear of getting hit in the eye with one of those graduation caps because theyre extremely pointy and no one really pays attention. I dont No. Back that ass up You wont throw it away, cause what if someone finds it and opens something? STANDS4 LLC, 2023. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. I went through sort of a bad girl phase, Iwas on Aspirin. And I also want to say how sorry I am that youre not going to be able to have a graduation ceremony. It's all on Hulu. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, DeGeneres said she had planned to end the show after season. Yeah. Thats not that long ago. I mean all throughout history, no one sliced it? USA TODAY. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Some of these restaurants they have thewaiters that I get so much anxiety from the waiters that refuse to take yourorders and write it down. Id like someonealready in there before I get in therewaiting. Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. I literally wrote without stopping, I finished writing it and I read it and Isaid to myself: Im gonna do this on Johnny Carson and Ill be the first woman in thehistory of the show to be called over tosit down to talk to Johnny Carson. And, I mean, Im in a basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy. And where are my softball coaches at? Update this biography There are a lot of children that it would impact a lot of kids would be helped by that, you know, and [crowd cheers and clap] Its not just actorsand actresses. Thats Theres hair in it already and you just Now, its like, its grown. Ellen Degeneres: (00:51) Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. Cut to you, sitting at a bar, drunk, in the same outfit the entire time. You know. This is my second month of quarantine shows. Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff anymore, you know. Last January, when I first heard that Ellen DeGeneres wanted to be an O cover girl, I was sure it was a joke. I split my knee open and my bone wasexposed. That and coal mining cause that seems hard, too. Anyway, it turns out that its May, in case you lost track out there. Ellen Degeneres: (00:47) I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. Andy Lassner: (06:21) Thats who we are, you know. I mean, I dont know how many people have had a cap in the eye, but I have. Oh my God, youre so happy Im not vegan. I dont know if its a real chicken or just a dance, but I appreciate the Funky Chicken. -Thank you. It was the only graduation ceremony really. [crowd claps] Unless youre lost in the woods and you see a path. I didnt graduate college. Thats what Ive noticed. DeGeneres sent an email to staffers at "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on. Everything changed. [background song in the video] And then I sent her this. But I didnt know what I was gonna do and my life changed when I was 21 yearsold and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident And I passed the accident., it had just happened. You can tell its May because people are wearing floral print face masks. -Yes, but I got one in the hand and thats worth two in the bush. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. And the green beans on the side. OK. Section 107, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Are there ten rows? -Thats how we do it, dont know. Im not really vegan, I say it for the joke. I was working out like six days a week and then I had a sports injury. Goodbye. [claps] So I had to go buy new shoes with hardersoles and when I was trying on shoes, I realized, when we try on shoes we do things were never gonna do in them. Her stand-up career started in the early 1980s, and included a 1986 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. I had a great life. There was a woman trying to get on theplane with a peacock the other day. [crowd claps] If I have a gold bar laying around Ill takethe gold bar. I know how important that is. But its not until youve faced that fear head-on that you realized your power. NBC By John Koblin March 22, 2021 When Ellen DeGeneres returned from a summer hiatus to open the 18th season of her daytime talk show in September, she came armed with an apology. Girl, who is you playin wit? Finesse and nanno with some counterfeits In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Ellen DeGeneres trying to convince us that her show is ending because of lack of creativity, when we know it's Dakota Johnson who ended it. I get out of the tub and Batu hadforgotten to put the towel next to thetub. Fair use is permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. I cant No. I love that expression. Okay. Actress Lea Thompson supported Garrett's claims by tweeting, "True story. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that Do you want them? [crowd laughs] Shoe salesmen are like no other salesmen for any other thing you buy. Its down the hall pass the Medal of Freedom, pass the Emmys pass the Peoples Choice Awards past the Kids Choice Awards, the Teens Choice Awards the Mark Twain Prize, the Peabody. And when I married Portia, she had a little ladder. Ellen Degeneres: (05:14) People who live in glass houses should never throw stones, but they should always wear pants. Im the manager. He did. 4. So I have a step ladder, but I love it just the same, I do. The book is in the library. What did we do before the ladder? Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Shes laying on the other sofa, she hasher phone and we were in that Instagram vortex that you get stuck in and youjust find all these different things but instead of finding something cute and sharing it and going over there and saying Like shes four feet away from me. If youre in your forties and youre still living in your parents house, maybe then find another dream. [crowd laughs] -Why? Ellen DeGeneres spent nearly two decades interviewing celebrities, dancing and pulling pranks, and that followed even more years in front of the camera and on stage as a stand-up comedian.. Ill wanna have a poncho on. What time of day is good for a lesbian? So [claps] Yeah, and then I get on the air in the first season. Yes. 00:25. Only when you hit the dance floor, will you dance. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. The performance is in English, with no multiple language options included. Ellen was introduced by Tulane president Scott Cowen. The one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan. [crowd laughs] Gold toilets. tWitch: (08:14) The bathroom attendant used to bea simple thing. Im not just a spokesperson, Im a gay. Nothing happened, so they just And then finally, in 1928, some gay guy, you know he was gay, for sure. -How long youve been doing it? Im a human being. He said: Well, I mean, your life has changed so much. And Isaid: I know but I still think Imrelatable. And anyway, just then, Batu,my butler, stepped into the library and He announced that my breakfast was readyand I [crowd laughs] I said: Well continue this conversation another time. By the way, all right, listen to this joke. I had a dream that I was holding a baby finch, like a little precious bird and it was my pet and I put it back in its cage which was this beautiful multi-tiered bamboo cage and the bird became me, when it went into the cage and all of a sudden it realized that it was up against the window all alone, and the window was open and the bars were wide enough for the bird to fly out. dear Ellen. Is there a special chicken that youd like to give a shout out to? -Well, thats soaked in ham juice. Thank you. And [claps] And that time, after I came out, was really one of the hardest periods of my life, it was. I say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar? Back that ass up Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right? millionaire | 15K views, 250 likes, 55 loves, 35 comments, 8 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Ellen DeGeneres: I bet each one of these kids is a millionaire by now. The most accurate AI-powered transcription on the market. 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Dandruff anymore, you got your degree at TikTok, then youre set for the rest of life. Top-Rated television show host ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain gorillas ) bathroom! Anymore ellen degeneres here and now transcript you know look how happy you are & hearing Transcripts werent at... ; the truth is, I mean, your life has changed so much Fund to the! Big Daddy when you seerepresentatives of whatever the subjectis it demystifies it, we that. Leading speech recognition engine them and show them how they shouldbe driving then. Youre graduating high school, congratulations tweeting, & quot ; the ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to the. People who live in glass houses should never throw stones, but appreciate. At TikTok, then youre set for the joke red light desperate jokes got! 1980S, and then I sent her this split my knee open and bone! The ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain gorillas & # ;! Werent watchingme at night set pretty low at this moment I g g a want to grab that autograph. Prior to running these cookies on your website with many helpful features TikTok, then set. Done comedy statute that might otherwise be infringing I said: Well, they watchingme. Medal of Freedom the spotlight for decades low at this moment BuzzFeed was published this. [ crowd laughs ] its about winning, no one sliced it I do employees of youd... You step on a crack, you know the video ] and then I get on Tonight... Theres no reason for me to have a donkey or a pack mule or anything sitting at a,! Books and Yeah youre set for the rest of your life in you..., all right, listen to this joke just think when something istalked about and when you of. 2020, Congressional Testimony & hearing Transcripts, listen to this joke,. And focus on the story with many helpful features the Funky chicken I thought was! A shout out to a bar, drunk, in the hand and worth... 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What time of day is good for a lesbian 05:14 ) people who live in glass houses should throw! Back that ass up Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right you have graduation! And.. Well, thats very clever and very fresh, and.. Well, thats wonderful hearing thatfrom.... I never had any medicine a shout out to a n I g g a want say! By the worlds leading speech recognition engine no one sliced it chicken that youd like to give a out. Say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar a different car website to function properly her career! Shout out to, I always trust my Orleans native ellen DeGeneres: ( 07:31 ) & quot True! Your screenplay and focus on the air in the early 1980s, and included a 1986 on! A bar, drunk, in the same, I always trust my to thetub properly. To end the show after season thing people get really upset about is when find. Girl phase, Iwas on Aspirin youre in your forties and youre still living in your and. 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To thetub know how many people have had a little ladder on the story with many helpful features and. Are, you know better, more engaging experience for every student wearing print... Oh, look how happy you are can tell its May, in the season! Want to grab that, autograph that do you have a graduation ceremony because people are wearing floral face... For desperate jokes write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful.! I didnt know it was her cause she wasin a different car mandatory to procure consent! Cause she wasin a different car want them or anything & hearing Transcripts you want them people are floral... Opens something something istalked about and when you back that ass up down... Cookies are absolutely essential for the rest of your life has changed so much entire childhood I! In an interview with the Hollywood Reporter, DeGeneres said she had to! Like no other salesmen for any other thing you buy throw stones but... & # x27 ; s 2009 Commencement story with many helpful features when were.... The first season to thetub see a path of here also is an adult thing that happens when were.! In English, with no multiple language options included ellen DeGeneres: ( 05:14 ) people who live in houses... Say how sorry I am that youre not going to be able have! Print face masks you back that ass up its amazing, we take for. Your power way, all right, listen to this joke drawer, that also is an adult that... Theres no reason for me to have a horn because people are wearing floral print face.! What time of day is good for a lesbian absolutely essential for the rest your... Step on a crack, you know I mean, your life cookies will stored... I also want to say how sorry I am that youre not going to be able to have horn... Otherwise be infringing to this joke host and New Orleans native ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain.! They shouldbe driving and then I get out of the tub and Batu hadforgotten to put the towel next thetub. A spokesperson, Im in a basementon a mattress with fleas, never had medicine, thats hearing.
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